Parenting advice: 5 supportive gestures remembered by the mnemonic CLICC

Mnemonic CLICC:

Comfort: stay calm and patient
Listen: show interest in their passion
Inspire: expose them to new ideas
Collaborate: ask for their opinion
Celebrate: use “put-ups”, “not put-downs”

Comfort: stay calm and patient

Practice active listening and provide support.

For teens: Be present and pay attention to changes in behaviors. Offer validating and reflecting statements to help them label their own emotions when in distress.

Practice relaxation techniques such as counting to ten, deep breathing, meditation, or positive self-talk. Help them identify strategies to manage stress and control their impulses.

Listen: show interest in their passion

For teens: If a teen wishes to talk about a difficult topic, supportive listening helps them express their thoughts and make sense of their experience. Pick a safe place to talk during an activity, while playing video games or a sport, or while driving in a car. Give them time to express themselves. Allow them to share their story without interruptions, show interest, and be alert for moments of honesty and vulnerability. Give them time to express themselves before offering advice or help. Sometimes they will be more encouraged to express themselves when you are not looking directly at each other. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer.

Inspire: expose them to new ideas

For teens: Encourage Positive Thinking and Setting Goals. Encourage teens to try new things and to take part in healthy risk-taking. Suggest activities that allow them to practice skills and feel good about themselves. Ask teens who their role models are and why and help them focus on what qualities they admire. Be a positive role model yourself. When possible, create opportunities for them to meet or work with adults in areas that interest them. Explore their future goals and engage them in short and long-term goal setting —establish realistic, achievable goals. Provide opportunities for increasingly challenging tasks

Collaborate: ask for their opinion

For teens: identify and understand their obstacles, let them communicate how they’re feeling and describe the problems in their own words. Once they’ve communicated the issues, encourage them to identify potential conflict resolution strategies and pros and cons to different ideas. Engage them in a step-by-step problem-solving process until you reach a solution. Encourage them to reflect on how their peers and friends might be feeling during conflicts. Assure them that they can rely on you to be their sounding board.

Celebrate: use “put-ups”, “not put-downs”

Thus gesture supports the development of self-identity and reminds a child of their competence, importance, and lovability. When we acknowledge their birthdays, graduations or everyday accomplishments like completing their homework, meeting new friends or doing chores, we help children build positive self-esteem.

Provide affirmation and validation, recognize their individual and cultural uniqueness.

Simple examples: A cheer, a clap, a smile, a kind greeting or a statement that acknowledges them.

For teens: Encourage them to take part in activities they enjoy and that you can do together, such as video games, art projects, shooting hoops, etc. Invite them to talk about their successes and challenges and teach them the value of the process and not just the final achievement. Guide them in exploring cultural traditions and sources of cultural pride.

References:

https://changingmindsnow.org/healing
https://changingmindsnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Comfort.pdf
https://changingmindsnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Listen.pdf
https://changingmindsnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Inspire.pdf
https://changingmindsnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Collaborate.pdf
https://changingmindsnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Celebrate.pdf

Small Steps to a Healthy You: 5-2-1-0

Small steps can help you be healthy. 5-2-1-0 helps you remember to eat healthy, limit screen time, get physical activity and exercise, and avoid sugary drinks. This Mayo Clinic video is intended for children but applies to anyone.



Share the healthy habits of “5 2 1 0” everyday:

5 – fruits and veggies
2 – hours or less of recreational screen time*
1 – hour or more of physical activity
0 – sugary drinks, more water and low-fat milk

* Keep TV/computer out of bedroom. No screen time under the age of 2

Source: http://www.letsgo.org

A Best Friend Will Always Wait for You

Julian Burrett: "Watson the dog stands by while the boy does a quick assessment of the puddle situation. Could this be the cutest video ever? FAQs: Watson is a 12 year old Shar Pei." http://buff.ly/X2Jpr9

Social relations as a primary factor for children’s happiness

The relation between the global happiness and school-related happiness of 700 12-year-old Finnish students was examined.

The results showed a strong relationship between happiness and social relationships.

The most popular choices of the happiness increasing factors were:

- success in school
- more free time
- success in a hobby

The least happy students more often than others wanted to have:

- more friends
- better looks
- more money
- a peaceful family life

The results confirm safe social relations as a primary factor underlying children’s happiness.

References:

Global and School-Related Happiness in Finnish Children. JOURNAL OF HAPPINESS STUDIES, 2011.

Comments from Google Plus:

Howard Luks - Our children's lives are far too structured and planned. We have a neighborhood full of young children, yet we are the only ones outside playing. Others are being shuttled to this and that, etc... sad. Let them learn, let them explore, let them socialize and start to cultivate the skills that will last them a lifetime... all IMHO +Wendy Sue Swanson thoughts?

Ves Dimov - Let kids be kids: unstructured play time may be more important than homework

http://casesblog.blogspot.com/2010/03/let-kids-be-kids-unstructured-play-time.html

Howard Luks - Couldn't agree more. Love how you find your links so fast :-)

Ves Dimov - My blog is my searchable archive... And the word "unstructured" rang a bell... :)

Wendy Sue Swanson - I like this thinking. I like the freedom to imagine that children will have space to remain present in their moments, that they'll consider the future without boundaries like they can when roaming in the yard. The structured and planned is becoming a norm---but there is resistance and more and more, parents are thinking about leaving their kids to the space and time they were afforded. With all of the parenting advice that is ever-present, it's hard for some parents to turn it off and tune back into their instincts. When you hear about the necessities of children learning 3 languages before age 7 (because the brain is primed until that age, thereafter it's far more difficult) it's hard not to jump in the car to the language school. This is the curse of more and more research--we get misdirected. We feel we can "perfect parenting." We forget we need time to stare up at the sky...time in the backyard with our hands in the sand and our brother at our side. We need to be able to remember that when life is still and we reflect on what matters, it's unlikely to be the language lesson.

U-shaped link between Internet use and children health - beware of heavy use or very little/none

Study participants were categorized into 4 groups according to their intensity of Internet use:

- heavy Internet users (HIUs; >2 hours/day)

- regular Internet users (RIUs; several days per week and 2 hours/day)

- occasional users (1 hour/week)

- and non-Internet users (NIUs; no use in the previous month)

Health factors examined were:

- perceived health

- depression

- overweight

- headaches

- back pain

- insufficient sleep

U-shaped link

Heavy Internet users of both genders were more likely to report higher depressive scores.

Only male users were found at increased risk of overweight and female users at increased risk of insufficient sleep.

Non-Internet users (NIUs) and occasional users also were found at increased risk of higher depressive scores.

Back-pain complaints were found predominantly among male non-Internet users.

There was a U-shaped relationship between intensity of Internet use and poorer mental health of adolescents. Heavy Internet users were confirmed at increased risk for somatic health problems.

Regular Internet use (up to 2 hours per day) is OK

Health professionals should be on the alert when caring for adolescents who report either heavy Internet use or very little/none. Regular Internet use as a normative behavior without major health consequences.

Take home point

Whatever the intensity of your Internet use is (if you are reading this, my guess is that the "intensity" of you sedentary lifestyle is high), don't forget the benefits of regular exercise.

If you need any more convincing, please see this Thai Health Promotion Foundation video that clearly shows the benefits of exercise:



References:
A U-Shaped Association Between Intensity of Internet Use and Adolescent Health. PEDIATRICS Vol. 127 No. 2 February 2011, pp. e330-e335 (doi:10.1542/peds.2010-1235)

Image source: Wikipedia, public domain.

Bullying: What parents can do (CNN video)

Related:

Targeted student: 'It's hard not to say something'. CNN

Another CNN video.
DNA of children who experienced violence and bullying shows wear and tear that is associated with rapid aging http://goo.gl/FzY2i

5.7% of teenagers have participated in "choking game"

From the NYTimes:

During "choking game" adolescents try to achieve a high by briefly depriving the brain of oxygen through strangulation. The "game" is extremely dangerous and could lead to brain damage, long-term neurological disability and death.

According to the recent survey of more than 10,642 eighth graders in Oregon, 36.2 percent reported having heard of the choking game, 30.4 said they had heard of someone participating in it and 5.7 percent said they had participated themselves.

Many adults are unaware of the many names the game goes by — including “Knock Out,” “Space Monkey,” “Flatlining” or “The Fainting Game” — and the warning signs:

- bloodshot eyes
- marks on the neck that may look like hickies
- frequent severe headaches
- disorientation after spending time alone
- ropes, scarves and belts discarded on the floor or tied to bedroom furniture and doorknobs



References:
Choking Game No Mystery to Children, Oregon Study Finds. NYTimes, 2010.

Small Town Story: Nebraska Boy Dies Playing 'The Choking Game' http://goo.gl/gy5V

Choking game claims lives of two Chicago girls - chicagotribune.com http://goo.gl/AOgU
Image source: The vulnerable carotid artery, (large, red tube), and the vagus nerve running parallel on its left. Wikipedia, public domain.

Updated: 08/12/2010

Let kids be kids: unstructured play time may be more important than homework

From Half Full: Science for Raising Happy Kids:

Let Kids Just Play: unstructured play time is actually more important than homework.

Children have lost 8 hours per week of free, unstructured, and spontaneous play over the last 2 decades due to homework.

Decrease in unstructured play time is in part responsible for slowing kids’ cognitive and emotional development. Today’s 5-year-olds had the self-regulation capability of a 3-year-old in the 1940s; the critical factor seems to have been not discipline, but play.

Pretend play is particularly beneficial, so make sure kids have ample time for it.

Related:

The Case for Saturday School - WSJ.com http://goo.gl/6IBT - We tend to choose the "more" approach when often the smarter one works better.

Social relations as a primary factor underlying children’s happiness

Image source: Child playing with bubbles. Wikipedia, Steve Ford Elliott, Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 License.

Effect of children on life satisfaction of married people is positive and increasing with number of children

From the Journal of Happiness Studies:

We investigate the relationship between having children at home and life satisfaction. Contrary to much of the literature, our results are consistent with an effect of children on life satisfaction that is positive, large and increasing in the number of children.

The effect, however, is contingent on the individual’s characteristics. In particular, our findings are consistent with children making married people better off, while most unmarried individuals appear to be worse off with children.

An erratum was issued after the study was published which claimed that a coding mistake made the results invlid and the author requested a retraction:

"After correcting the problem, the main results of the paper no longer hold. The effect of children on life satisfaction of married individuals is small, often negative, and never statistically significant."

I appreciate the input of the commenter who took the time to point to this link.

References:
Children and Life Satisfaction. Luis Angeles. Journal of Happiness Studies. 10.1007/s10902-009-9168-z, 10/2009.
Erratum to: Children and Life Satisfaction. Luis Angeles. Journal of Happiness Studies, March 12, 2010.

Experienced happiness is largely set by personality, it will temporarily respond to changing circumstances. The Lancet, 2010. http://goo.gl/ot3Kx
Image source: OpenClipArt.org, public domain.